I'm someone who doesn't trust people that easily and it's not like that I think people may back-stab me, it's just that I do have a lot of trust issues.
How do I deal with it?
I don't really do anything like coming in terms with it, cause I've yet to figure out what caused it in the first place.
From time to time I keep meeting different people, like relatives or friends or just people in general.
I've never initiated a conversation with them since I don't really talk too much.
It's something that has been a part of me for a quite a long period of time.
The reason being is simple.
My mind is always preoccupied with stuff unrelated to the things happening at present and at times it's more interesting to be lost in my thoughts than bother to take part in the conversations of my peers.
The conversations that they all have are interesting too and since I don't know much about the stuff they talk about I usually end up listening to their conversations instead of taking part in it.
The same thing happens with my family, though the difference being is that they all talk about stuff that I'm least interested in and obviously talk about stuff that's happening in their lives.
I don't care about what goes on in the life of my relatives and even be bothered to care, what I don't like is the same pestering questions they ask, ranging from getting a job to what's going on in my life.
As if I'd want to answer any of that.
I'm someone who loves to live in solitude with sometimes accompanied with my friends or peers and laugh at their conversations sharing a drink or two, sometimes four.
That kind of atmosphere is pretty hard to capture with my relatives, siblings aside.
Since I've been brought up in an atmosphere where I was for the most period of time surrounded by my relatives, provided with everything that I wanted without having to pester them too much, that's why I hardly knew things that kids my age did.
That had a lot of impact in me when I was growing up and wanting to trusting others.
I was really amazed whenever I'd encounter someone who could start up a conversation with a person they didn't knew at all, I thought to myself that I really should try doing that and well I've never succeeded as I would chicken out in the last minute.
Another thing that bothered me was the way my family behaved around me when I finally entered adulthood.
It's like the whole childhood that I lived was a lie.
Their presumptions that I'm someone who has no clue how the world outside my home functions or how hard it is to get by when you don't have enough to support your family or yourself, that you don't have the skills to do things most people can do so easily.
It really is stupid as I know way more than any of them could and I definitely don't need them telling me all the time how this society functions.
In their eyes I may be still a kid, maybe cause I'm not that tall, but I do have a mental age that's much mature and way better than any of them.
I am not someone who thinks that I know everything, I do like to learn about new things as days pass by but what I hate is that attitude of theirs towards me.
This is something that I have to overcome if I want to get over my trust of others.
It's also not that I don't respect them, I do, but I would love it if they would at least leave me be cause I'm at my best when I'm by myself.
The trust issues that I have, the me that is yet to open up to others and take my own stand will only happen when I do realize that in all this mess the fault in not speaking up, opening up to others, this fault lies alone with me and yes that day will come when I will change for good, till then I'll probably chill and live my life on my own terms.
How do I deal with it?
I don't really do anything like coming in terms with it, cause I've yet to figure out what caused it in the first place.
From time to time I keep meeting different people, like relatives or friends or just people in general.
I've never initiated a conversation with them since I don't really talk too much.
It's something that has been a part of me for a quite a long period of time.
The reason being is simple.
My mind is always preoccupied with stuff unrelated to the things happening at present and at times it's more interesting to be lost in my thoughts than bother to take part in the conversations of my peers.
The conversations that they all have are interesting too and since I don't know much about the stuff they talk about I usually end up listening to their conversations instead of taking part in it.
The same thing happens with my family, though the difference being is that they all talk about stuff that I'm least interested in and obviously talk about stuff that's happening in their lives.
I don't care about what goes on in the life of my relatives and even be bothered to care, what I don't like is the same pestering questions they ask, ranging from getting a job to what's going on in my life.
As if I'd want to answer any of that.
I'm someone who loves to live in solitude with sometimes accompanied with my friends or peers and laugh at their conversations sharing a drink or two, sometimes four.
That kind of atmosphere is pretty hard to capture with my relatives, siblings aside.
Since I've been brought up in an atmosphere where I was for the most period of time surrounded by my relatives, provided with everything that I wanted without having to pester them too much, that's why I hardly knew things that kids my age did.
That had a lot of impact in me when I was growing up and wanting to trusting others.
I was really amazed whenever I'd encounter someone who could start up a conversation with a person they didn't knew at all, I thought to myself that I really should try doing that and well I've never succeeded as I would chicken out in the last minute.
Another thing that bothered me was the way my family behaved around me when I finally entered adulthood.
It's like the whole childhood that I lived was a lie.
Their presumptions that I'm someone who has no clue how the world outside my home functions or how hard it is to get by when you don't have enough to support your family or yourself, that you don't have the skills to do things most people can do so easily.
It really is stupid as I know way more than any of them could and I definitely don't need them telling me all the time how this society functions.
In their eyes I may be still a kid, maybe cause I'm not that tall, but I do have a mental age that's much mature and way better than any of them.
I am not someone who thinks that I know everything, I do like to learn about new things as days pass by but what I hate is that attitude of theirs towards me.
This is something that I have to overcome if I want to get over my trust of others.
It's also not that I don't respect them, I do, but I would love it if they would at least leave me be cause I'm at my best when I'm by myself.
The trust issues that I have, the me that is yet to open up to others and take my own stand will only happen when I do realize that in all this mess the fault in not speaking up, opening up to others, this fault lies alone with me and yes that day will come when I will change for good, till then I'll probably chill and live my life on my own terms.
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